You don't want to start your relationship with the same issues you had before. Even if you feel these issues do not bother you, they still need addressing. Counseling also helps you learn how to keep communication open between you and your mate. According to Solomon, marriage counseling and pre-marital counseling are a must for a successful remarriage. Even though you and your mate may have changed over the years, there are likely still some ways you are the same. Learning to deal with the things that bothered you previously and which still occur is essential to not growing frustrated with them all over again.
Being married, and restoring a marriage in particular, requires lots of work and effort. Prepare yourself to work hard to make your new marriage work. Many people who remarry their ex-spouse decide to use a prenuptial agreement to protect themselves. This may be a sensitive issue for both parties, but many people feel better about their commitment when they know that their assets will be protected if the marriage ends once again.
When you marry your former spouse, you may hear a lot of ridicule from family members and friends. The most important thing to keep in mind is to stay positive.
If you start to listen to what they say, you will begin to believe in it yourself and your marriage may suffer because of it. Instead, thank your loved ones for their concerns, assure them you both plan to work hard on your relationship this time around, and would appreciate the support. If you think that restoring your marriage to your ex-spouse is the best decision for everyone involved, you should also realize that the task requires large amounts of work.
In the end, however, with your entire family living together under the same room, you may just find that everyone is happier. Statistics Regarding Restored Marriages Statistics for restored marriages, where ex-spouses remarry each other, may be somewhat surprising.
Reunited Dr. Reasons People Want to Remarry a Spouse There are many different reasons why spouses decide to get back together. Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Sometimes couples do not realize exactly what they mean to each other until they have divorced.
Many spouses define themselves by their marriage and are devastated by the prospect of divorce: "If my marriage is a failure, then so am I. Many people, whether they initiated the divorce or not, see themselves as victims. It is important to remember that a relationship is a two-way street, and both parties contribute to its success or failure. Consider seeing a counselor or reading self-help books to help you to deal with negative emotions, build a positive outlook, and boost your self-esteem.
One of the most painful feelings that results from separation or divorce is loneliness. You need to learn to become comfortable doing things by yourself and for yourself. Many people deal with loneliness by joining a support group.
These groups can be very helpful, not only in helping you understand your feelings but also in helping counteract a natural tendency to feel that you are all alone.
But if group members tend to blame the other party or encourage self-pity, do yourself a favor and find another group. Their advice, while it may be tempting to accept, will not help you move on with your life. Particularly if you did not want the divorce, your first emotions may be shock and denial.
You may question whether the time you spent married was wasted. However, you cannot obliterate the past, so try to salvage something positive from it. Don't let resentment toward your former spouse take too much of your energy; redirect your emotional investments toward maintaining yourself. When you finally do let go, you may have the urge to act—for example, rearrange the furniture or purge the house of anything that reminds you of your ex-partner. This can be an exciting stage.
After coming through it, most people can feel good about themselves, their bodies, and their capacities as creative and autonomous adults to deal with whatever life throws their way. Some divorced people find it easy to love others and difficult to love themselves. But a love based on a fear-filled flight from loneliness is unlikely to last. To have a productive, vital, growing relationship, you need to accept yourself and appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.
Self-love does not mean that you love only yourself, but rather that your capacity to love and accept others is founded on your love and acceptance of yourself. There are many exercises to improve your self-esteem. Another reason why couples may give it another try after divorce is because they may have high hopes of things being different the second time around. They could also still be in love with their former spouse, and this may lead them back in their arms again.
Many times couples marry young even when they aren't ready. This may ultimately lead to a divorce. With time after both couples have grown and matured, they may end up reconciling. Don't even think of remarrying until you read this! Psychology Today. Fox, WE.
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I Accept Show Purposes. Table of Contents View All. Table of Contents. Why Couples Get Remarried. Things to Consider. Finding Success.
Points to Remember If you and your ex-spouse are committed to the idea of getting back together, you need to remember these three things: Realize that the odds are against you. Take things slowly. Prioritize seeing a marriage counselor and taking a marriage education course. The 10 Best Marriage Books for Couples of Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles.
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